What We've Been Doing in the Meantime...

It's been several days since the last update of our glorious blog that is proudly defeating anything and everything that would be considered valid and impressive and noteworthy. But here's a short update until we release a floodgate of new and exciting things HERE at Testicles Chowdhury...

1. We had President's Day off, which meant Our Fearless Leader Mysterious Swede (pbuh) went to his house in Norway and ate Norwegian food. Then, he went to Atlanta because he wanted to go to Abdullah the Butcher's BBQ restaurant.

2. Our awesome plant, Wilbur, is growing and is strong once again. Months of neglect took its toll on the little guy, but he's alive and with a vigor. Stay tuned for pictures and commentary!

3. Some lackluster messageboard decided to cut ties with us. It was unfortunate. We wish them all the best in their future endeavors.





Faggots.

4. We hired some dude to become our secretary last week. He came in with somewhat short hair, a long tee shirt and even longer NBA throwback jersey. Also, that doo-rag. And what is up with these random hoodlum types coming to and from our office? This might not last too long.

5. There's been a lot of late 90's East Coast hiphop being played around the office. Honestly, does anyone want to hear Puffy's "Come With Me" other than disturbingly nostalgic Steve Corino fanatics?

A Message From the Mysterious Swede

GREETING:

WELCOME TO MY MOST WONDERFUL WEBSITE: TESTICLESCHOWDHURY

A GREAT SITE!

I THANK YOU FOR COMING FOR VISITNIG.

YOU BEHAVE YOURSELFS

HERE IS NICE PICTURE FOR YOU!



VERY FUNNY. TAKE CARE.

A MYSTERIOUS SWEDE.
OVER MANY DOLLARS IN MY WALLET.
CAN TAKE MANY PRECAUTIONS.
ALSO,
YOU WHO IS IMPEDING IN MY PROGRESS OF MY BELOVED CORP. FOR MY COUNTRMEN AND CONTREOMEN AMDS SUPPORT WILL PERISH SLOLWLY

VERY SOLWLY

I AM AMAN OF MANYY THINGS AN DOINGS AND I SAY TOYOU THSONE THING

DONT'FUCK WITH NY CORP.

YOU KNO WHO YOU'RE
MY FATHERS FATHER IS GREEQT MAN
YOU NOT SOMUCH

Wallace J. Tavlov Picks Up The Pieces

He's made some movies that really intrigued me and made me think out of the box. Whitney Houston, the Von Erichs, no one's spared from the intense and critical eye of this man. His work can easily be found here. He's here for a lot of reasons. Important reasons. Reasons that grips the souls of mankind, womankind and otherkind.

He is what he is.

He is WALLACE J. TAVLOV. Don't sleep.

TC: You are the man that calls yourself Wallace J. Tavlov and made a pretty remarkable documentary about the Von Erichs and stuff. How does it feel?
WJT: Alright I guess. I appreciate that people take the time to view things I've made. The time people give my work is a gift. I try to grow as a person. Work out demons and such.
WJT: I'm very passionate about the shit I've allowed to fill up my brain. I try and transform it into something of spiritual significance.
TC: Have you been successful at what you're trying to achieve? Or is it something that's currently pretty futile?
WJT: I don't know honestly. I can't make a living at doing things in the style that I like. But we may be entering a period when content creators do not make a living off of the stuff we produce. Digital folk art some might say.
WJT: Making videos is something I want to feel free enough to walk away from.
WJT: My artistic tendencies have come from psychological places that really need to be grown out of I've realized. My hope is that I will reinvent myself.
WJT: Sorry this isn't sounding retarded in the manner you expected.
TC: Haha, it's okay. My food just came. The staff of Testicles Chowdhury works night and day. The Mexican man got a paltry tip, however.
WJT: That's good to hear.
WJT: Not about your food... the Mexican man being poorly tipped
TC: How does someone mistake "TWO SPRITES" for "CHEESE FRIES", man?
WJT: I don't know. I'm a really bad employee everywhere I've worked in the service industry. I'm always do embarrassing Jerry Lewis-slapstick shit like that which confounds people.
WJT: It's embarrassing really. I worked in a supermarket once and enjoyed eating from the salad bar. I would put something on my salad I thought were turnips. I told my roommate I was way into turnips. Turned out what I mistook for turnips was "imitiation crab meat"
TC: The Chinese has socially risen in every industry except for the entertainment industry. They've pretty much wiped the floor with caucasians when it comes to the service industry. And apparently, they've got a better judge of salad bars if I take your experience into account.
WJT: The Chinese are an efficient machine...I mean "race."
TC: Their efficiency may be astounding.

…

TC: So what's next on the horizon for you? Archery? Alchemy? More pontificating, undoubtedly.
WJT: Hopefully not too much pontificating. I know very little.
TC: Then I'd suggest archery.
WJT: Definitely alchemy though. There's an alchemical nature to what I do.
WJT: I tried archery at a Christian summer camp my parents sent me to when i was young.
TC: Christians with arrows are something that I fear. But a Jehovah's Witness with arrows would be more intimidating, especially when you take their newsletters rolled into their back pockets into account.
WJT: I knew Jehovah's Witness in grade school. A cute girl I had a crush on. Didn't really knew what the religious affiliation implied beyond the fact that there were a lot of things she talked about not being allowed to do.
TC: You needed to watch out back then; she coulda got excommunicated if you tried to mack on her.
TC: I think it's still the case nowadays. Insanity.
WJT: I don't know. My big thing is to obtain some kind of closeness with god.
TC: Testicles Chowdhury does not promote any religion. But we do promote the East region and UTZ Potato Chips.
WJT: I think those things are great. You have a very pro-family blog it seems, aside from the title, which is decidedly anti-family and I do not support.
WJT: I have to fly on an airplane on Monday to see my girlfriend. I'm terrified of experience of flying and the general prescence of the sky itself. My girlfrind flies all the time and I told her that I would be less afraid if I had a closer relationship with god and she looked at me like I was crazy.
TC: We gave up on religion a long time ago. Times were tough, our hearts were broken, Benito Santiago and the tragic fate of Drazen Petrovic kinda came all at once for us. Flight can bring fright, but through all the struggles that we go through in our possibly or probably mundane lives, we could use those experiences to help us grow out of it. Our leader, the Mysterious Swede, only lets us listen to the "pick me up" songs of the late 90's. Yes, Matchbox 20 and Hanson are on the playlist. Regardless, he wouldn't stand for any one of us having a fear of flying. Who would make the round trip to any of his homes in Europe to pick up his dry cleaning?
WJT: Right. I think that makes absolute sense.
WJT: You can understand something on an intellectual level but to experience something is to truly know it.
WJT: That's what I'm talking about wrt to walking away from movie making. Before Of Birth and Blood I didn't want to make a movie for another ten years following Our Summer in Oklahoma 1990 but had to complete the picture out of academic obligation.
WJT: My pictures are an amalgamation of found materials because I reject the cultural forces that made me who I am on a primal level. What interests me is self transformation. Experience will be a new language toward my re/unmaking.
TC: Sounds kinda insane, but I dig your stance. I am pretty much stuck on the primal level, debating whether my ceasar's salad may be the great meal I ate all time all my life.
WJT: That's all that matters though. Being able to appreciate a great meal in the present-tense "now" of experience. The life in the mind leaves me stuck simultaneously in the past and the future. I long to be in the "now" but I fear I have to abandom my artistic ambitions/creative tendencies.
WJT: Foresaking future artistic endeavors on the level of a christ-like sacrifice I think.
WJT: is on the level
TC: You sound very open about the conflicts in your life. I may be the internet's Mike Wallace. Or someone more probing than Ed Bradley. As far as abandonment, that's some really deep shit that my brain can not fathom right at the moment. And the Jesus comparison is tremendous for this interview. Our audience is applauding while furiously copying and pasting when they scroll down to this part.
WJT: Your readers should now I do everything for them, not for me. I am an open, honest person with everyone. I strive for honesty and have a pure heart in a cynical, "best week ever" age.
TC: Hey, that doesn't sound so bad. Especially if your strive is ultimately successful. But if it doesn't, please don't don a scarlet letter for the rest of your days. Maybe several letters; for example, a FUBU sweatshirt.
WJT: FUBU Sweatshirt? Those have to be worn kind of oversize, no? I tend to wear smallish clothes that amplify the emaciated skinnyness of my body. In a physical sense, amplifying my lack of flesh helps people who know me to truly understand what I lack, what I've forsaken in a larger metaphysical and psychological sense for my artistic and intellectual passions. But change in fashion and gearth could be reinvigorating toward that very same purpose.
WJT: Yo, pretty soon I'll have to get my own salad on.
TC: Hahahahaha.
WJT: Meaning I'll have to eat a meal just as you've done. I hope I haven't uninentionally repeated some analogy for prison rape..if I'm remembering the Chris Rock bit correctly.
TC: Salad is something that people shouldn't ignore. And we here at TC have gotten quite a bit of content from you. And we appreciate it. Your check for $3.05 will be in the mail soon.
TC: We thank you.
WJT: Well good luck and may god bless you.

Quandary/Plea

We here at Testicles Chowdhury, the coolest and hippest and important-est blog in all of the blogish hemisphere, have been looking through the desk of that afforementioned fired individual we mentioned several blogs ago.

Seems he had some glasses and stacks of papers in his drawer. Where did he get the glasses from? We have absolutely no idea. Unfortunately, the Mysterious Swede [our fearless leader that we are loyal to in almost religious fashion] had made it perfectly clear to us that a kitchen would not necessarily be the best thing for us. So the glasses weren't stolen or planned to be stolen from us. Very strange. Who hoards glasses? And these stacks of papers have a lot of information that we frankly can not understand.

Frankly, this is a open plea for someone to become our secretary soon. We've interviewed candidates all week long; it's been a rather auspicious time. None of us seem to know anything about invoices or anything else. So, yeah, get at us. Time is of the essence and we are planning on huge steps taken on the Earth. Furious steps that rival those of the raptors in Jurassic Park.

TC's Albums That We Regret

Testicles Chowdhury's staff had a roundtable meeting today. Well, actually, it wasn't truly a unified discussion as the Mysterious Swede took the staff out to dinner. So we bullied the other dudes in the office to pull some content together for our juggernaut of a blog. Yes, the other dudes are generally the less beloved and uglier staff members, but that should go without saying.

Radiohead - Kid A

"I was in a real pretentious phase back then and I was becoming really emo and listened to Dashboard Confessional a whole lot of times. Even though I didn't get around to downloading Pinkerton, I decided to try out newer music. Like my cool friends from NYU who listened to Jay-Z! So I bought this album from the African bootlegger dude on the 23rd Street N line. NO, I DO NOT GO TO BARUCH. PLEASE. MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER PAY FOR A CUNY EDUCATION. NEVER!!!!" - Our wonderful intern who never really got around as to WHY he hated this album. He did get on a rant as to why he didn't get accepted to F.I.T., however.

Juelz Santana - From Me to U

"Okay, okay. I admit it. I bought this album during the Diplomats' first comeuppance around Summer 2003. Okay, I downloaded it. But times were tough back then. I needed an anthem, a different beat to march to. So I downloaded this while scouring this one particular IRC channel that I will not reveal. Anyhow, I really did find this to be a 4 star debut. Now, I look back in shame and still wondering where those lost years went." - Our IT guy who is responsible for the splendor that is this beloved website. Although he hasn't really reppin' Dipset to the fullest lately, he'd begun to rave about Redman's Gilla House collective. Several other people quickly noted that no one really gives a shit about Saukrates, so he quickly decided to start listening to Young Jeezy. This led to even further derision. Every office should have their own African-American-placating white guy.

Canibus - 2000 B.C.
"Yes, I admit it. I bought that piece of hot garbage when I thought that rhyming the word 'miracle' with 'spherical' was some kind of amazing poetic genius. What was I thinking? I can't tell you. My immediate family is STILL clownin' on me for purchasing it - and it's been like EIGHT YEARS. If I hang myself in the near future, please make sure to play any song other than the 4 Horsemen track at my fucking funeral. If I have to hear that one song with Free from 106 and Park one more time, I swear I'll slit my wrists like I did that one time in junior high." - Anonymous Employee who kinda creeps us out. Yeah, that guy.

THE CUBS FAN MAKES EVERYTHING PERFECTLY CLEAR

The Cubs Fan is no stranger to controversy. He may possibly be a megalomaniac that has no equal within a 47-mile radius. He believes in the integrity of all things lucha libre. Lourdes Grobet, eat your heart out. An avid critic of many things, he may either be skiing in Aspen, reciting Crosby, Stills and Nash songs between cups of tea or reminding everyone that he is an unpredictable madman. And that suits him well. The link's on the left corner so click on it repeatedly.

Testicles Chowdhury: Cubs, the world wants you to give a clear description of the lucha libre scene. Please make everything perfectly clear to the masses.
The Cubs Fan: AAA generally has worse wrestlers, but it's not for the lack of effort or creativity. CMLL has more capable guys, but often is fine just skating by at less than their potential. Indies vary from place to place and moment to moment.
TC: Where does El Apache rank on the list of capable luchadors? Does Emilio Charles pale in comparison?
TCF: El Apache is high up the list; AAA's filled with people who have one particular skill - they can do a bunch of flying or they've got a look or whatever - and Apache's the kinda guy that can fill in the missing pieces. Emilo's not on that level now and he wasn't really ever well rounded.
TC: Is Volador Jr. the true luchador for ignorant Americans to watch out for instead of Mistico?
TCF: It depends on how ignorant you are!
TCF: If you haven't seen Mistico, you need to see Mistico. But at some point, he stopped getting better and was content being what he was, and Volador - since he's not at the top yet - is still improving, past him a bit.
TC: But he's not Ultimo Guerrero?
TCF: No, he's not at that level. That's a tough level for anyone to be at - sometimes Ultimo Guerrero isn't even at Ultimo Guerrero level.
TC: I think he'll eventually be an American regular someday. It's always a possibility. But Santo Jr. didn't. I think it's just my eagerness. As long as he's not wrestling in ROH. Instead, put him in IWA-Mid South against Nate Webb for an hour.
TCF: I've always heard that ROH isn't high on lucha. But I'm kinda surprised more lucha guys don't show up fringe indy promotions - I'd think it's travel costs, but maybe it's just that Mexican wrestling is such a disconnected world from the US that no one has connections.
TC: Super Porky is getting US bookings, but Hector Garza can't. It's amazing.
TCF: I don't think Super Porky will be arrested with steroids. But there, that's the connections - the NWA Pro guys are the ones who used to be at the NJPW-Inoki Dojo, who've had guys work for in Mexico for CMLL. Just like there's not many Mexicans working in the US, there's not many US guys working in Mexico regualrly.
TC: It's really sad that Mark Jindrak is the best that CMLL can find to play an angry Italian. Like Disco Inferno, Tracy Smothers or a sleazy XPW dude couldn't play the role better.
TCF: If Disco or Tracy worked on Velocity, they would've had the gig. It was hilarious for a while how Ultimo Dragon was bringing in fellow ex-WWE guys who he'd worked with on B-Shows. I think Corelone was just the easiest ex-WWE tall guy they could find and even then, they must've not thought it was going to be long term, because it him months to stop wearing tights that said "Mark Jindrak". If you're Chuck Palumbo, and you're still in dark matches when you're not in developmental and the guy who filled in for you is now a lead heel, you probably are questioning your decision to go back to WWE.
TC: Your devoted followers want to know your thoughts on the death of Anna Nicole Smith.
TCF: I think the media cares far more about it than everyone else does. Certianly more than I do. She's got more attention in death than she probably would've the rest of her life, and that's what she was going for, so good for her.
TC: She never did play for the Cubs.
TCF: Or sing the seventh inning stretch. There was a point where they were letting the Billy Blanks of the world do it, so it's too bad she missed out.
TCF: They'd be able replay it again, with somber music underneath. It'd be great.
TC: I'd be more upset if Violencia died.
TCF: I'd be more upset if Rayo de Jalisco Jr. died.
TC: We all would.
TC: What do you think about the Cubs' chances to become relevant this season?
TCF: Pretty good, but only because it's not hard to become relevant in the NL. Maybe the Mets are really good team, but no one else looks that way. It seems like another year where 85 wins will be enough to keep you in a race at least to the last week of the year, and the Cubs have spent to get at least that much.
TCF: If the Cubs were in the AL, I'd give them less of a chance than Toronto.
TC: In their respective eras, was Wally Whitehurst a better pitcher than Bill Pulsipher?
TCF: I'm not an expert on Mets prospects who never lived up to their hype, but at least Whitehurst had a couple of seasons where he was slightly above average, even if his record didn't show it.
TC: Does Frank Viola's legacy stand the test of time?
TCF: Yea, he's still awesome in RBI Baseball.
TC: How will history look back on the career of Jeff Kent?
TCF: The car wash/motorcycle story, fighting with Barry Bonds, all the personality things first. I think they'll also see a Hall of Fame career, but he might be one of those guys who gets stuck on the ballot forever.
TC: Also with everything going on in this steroid era, you may have to question everything before you start praising a guy. Kent may be the next Jim Rice.
TCF: By the time Kent gets on the ballot, almost everyone he'll be competting against will have the steroid questions, so either they'll have gotten over it, or they'll be voting in no one. But yea, I can see the Jim Rice comparisions - there are people who are going to vote for him because he was very often the best offensive player at his position, and there will be plenty who don't because he was very rarely the best player in his league.
TC: Thanks for setting the record straight, Cubs.
TCF: No problem!

Oh yeah, like you didn't know: The Cubs Fan has a CMLL blog at www.thecubsfan.com/cmll.

Pete Yorn's "Murray" Vs. Nas' "One Mic"

Two songs that define a generation - YOUR generation - are competing for the affections of the world. Pete Yorn and Nas are fighting very hard, because they are poets - similar to Langston Hughes, Cab Calloway and that bitch from 4 Non Blondes. (WHAT'S GOING ON is legendary, let's not fool ourselves here. Even if Lamb Chop singing "This Is The Song That Never Ends" may be close to being on par with this certain timeless classic.)

Yorn's "Murray" is one of the best songs I've heard at this point in time. I believe this with all my heart and will put the integrity of Testicles Chowdhury on the line by saying and believing so. Nas' "One Mic" has him rhyming many words about violence to achieve freedom, sorta like that dude Che Guevara did. You know, that dude that all the kids wear to express being revolutionary. The ones that hate being white, you know?

Anyways, I think it's a close call. Which song is better depends on your different tastes in music. Where does Gram Parsons' "$1000 Wedding" ranks higher than both of them. Maybe Jeru the Damaja's "D.Original" is the best song in the history of musickind. It's all incredibly subjective, so I know that the ranking for infinite greatness will change eventually.

Eventually!!!