TWO DAYS OF PAUL KENT

Paul Kent is a dark haired radio host for Fredericksburg, Virginia's Thunder 104.5 FM. He also may be considered to be a megalomaniac, keen observer of truth and a relentless social critic. Did you think Testicles Chowdhury was just looking to find someone particularly lackluster? Absolutely not. We are looking for IMPORTANT PEOPLE who will talk about IMPORTANT ISSUES. Paul spreads his gospel works on the weekdays from 12 to 6am and Saturdays from 7 to midnight. Hey, that's what it says on the website, which better be linked when our hack webmaster puts this up. Well, he's not a hack. Anyhow, read and enjoy and understand one particular thing: Paul Kent has quite a few things to say and, you know what, he's going to say them here whether you want to hear it or not.

Day 1:

Testicles Chowdhury: As the first person to be interviewed for this glorious source of internet journalizm, how do you feel?
Paul Kent: I feel pretty good! All those years of being a social pariah have finally paid off.
TC: Next to Saddam, you're pretty much a saint. It would be tough to interview his corpse. He would be quite prone right about now. Not very fun.
PK: I suppose. Should I gas an entire town?
TC: As long as it's West of the Mississippi, we should be fine. Those people consider themselves far too upscale.
PK: Awesome. I'm thinking Wyoming. Nobody will notice.
TC: Nobody ever notices Wyoming. They have Cheyenne. But I just like that name. Some people name their kids Cheyenne. When you gas Wyoming, Cheyenne will only be a memory to inhabitants of the neighboring states. Not bad!
PK: So not only are we clearing the way for a personal stomping ground, we're putting "REMEMBER CHEYENNE" stickers all over America? Mixed bag, my friend.
TC: Hmm, maybe not Cheyenne, then. Some place more forgettable. Where they don't live near people who make bumper stickers or proudly display colorful ribbon stickers on the hoods of their cars.
PK: So Tajikistan.
TC: I didn't even know that was a country. Good choice!
PK: It's a good place to destroy. Nobody else does either, everyone's poor and farms llamas, and they can't even decide what religious tyranny to follow!
TC: They really don't have the resources to make stickers to place on their cattle's asses, which is a good thing for all the other neighboring istanis out there.
PK: We'll let you run it. We'll call it Tanviristan.
TC: Has a nice ring to it. Yes, I would play many songs from my childhood on the state-run radio station, like the "Full House" theme song, to keep the herders happy. However, I am afraid that playing anything from the immense catalogue of Lyle Lovett would lead to a revolt.
PK: Play Lyle Lovett on the march to war. I'm guessing you might get antsy here and there. I'll run ads paid for by your Board of Tourism. Would you please build a Red Hot & Blue in the capital?
TC: Please explain what a Red Hot & Blue is for our uninformed readership. (Yes, I am also uninformed.)
PK: Red Hot & Blue is a barbecue restaraunt that gave my old roommate some really bad gas once. It was funny because she was this super-skinny large-breasted white woman and listening to her complain about gas was one of the funnier moments of my life.
TC: Sounds great to me. I will build this restaurant and attach my office in the rear.

Day 2:

PK: What would you like to know!
TC: We spoke about that important subject, Red Hot & Blue. It was intriguing to look back on several days later, correct?
PK: Quite so. Barbecue and tyranny, I think, go hand in hand.
TC: I'm looking forward to a barbeque steak made by Hassan's neighbor, Mr. Ahmad-whateverhisnameisjad.
PK: Ahmanenijad or some such? He's a strange man. He spurred a Holocaust Denial Cartoon Contest.
TC: Testicles Chowdhury been denying the Holocaust since 1994 and we're sticking by it!
PK: I figured those bases were covered. I tend to deny the 80's instead.
TC: Many people deny the 80's. Memories of snorting lines of coke off a pizza box while staring onto the erect nipples of a young Valerie Bertenelli are things many soon-to-be elderlies are trying to forget. Those sketchy 80s game show sets. Adam Ant. Moonlighting. Those things then to frighten me. Especially Moonighting.
PK: I miss the game shows though. It was a golden age.
TC: Wheel of Fortune is on. 20 years later and people are still spinnin' that wheel.
PK: It's a lovely wheel with many colors. Pat Sajak's politics are disturbing, though
TC: I do NOT want to know of them. Okay, maybe I do.
PK: He's rather conservative. He owns a lot of radio stations in Maryland where he espouses a bunch of right-wing ideals through his staff and through himself in short segments.
TC: Vanna is probably a part-time Anti-Abortion Bitch Protestor In Front Of Clinics.
PK: She eats human flesh.
TC: I knew she was more than a Stepford wife.